Financial abuse is often called the “crime of the 21st century,” but it rarely looks like a robbery. It looks like a helpful neighbor, a caring new friend, or a tech-savvy scammer.
If you are reading this, you probably have a gut feeling that something is wrong. But you might feel guilty. You don’t want to be “nosy” or take away your parent’s independence. This is a common struggle for adult children.
However, scammers and manipulative family members count on your hesitation. They want you to stay quiet so they can keep stealing.
This guide gives you 13 verified warning signs known as elder financial abuse red flags. These range from bank errors to strange new behaviors.
1. Sudden Secrecy Regarding Phone Calls
Abuse often starts with isolation and secrecy before any money actually leaves the bank account. If your parent suddenly hides their screen when you walk into the room or whispers on the phone, pay close attention.
Scammers actively coach their victims to keep the relationship a secret from family members. They create an “us against them” mentality, convincing the senior that their children are jealous or controlling. This secrecy is a major warning sign that someone is manipulating them behind the scenes.
- Hiding the phone screen or hanging up quickly when you enter the room
- Refusal to explain who they were talking to or acting defensive about it
- New password protections on devices that never had them before
- Receiving frequent calls at odd hours from unknown numbers
Exhibit A:
Hiding the phone screen or hanging up quickly when you enter the room.
Exhibit B:
Refusal to explain who they were talking to or acting excessively defensive.
Exhibit C:
New password protections on devices that never had them before.
Exhibit D:
Receiving frequent calls at odd hours from unknown numbers.
2. Fear or Anxiety When Discussing Money
Money conversations used to be boring or routine, but now they trigger an emotional explosion. If asking simple questions like “How are your finances?” causes your parent to tremble, shut down, or get angry, this is not normal aging behavior.
Dr. Robert Roush from the Baylor College of Medicine notes that clinicians often see this anxiety long before they see a bank statement. Your parent may be threatened by an abuser who told them they would be put in a nursing home if they spoke up.
- Visible shaking or avoidance when bills or banking are mentioned
- Looking at a caregiver for permission before answering financial questions
- Sudden refusal to spend money on basic necessities out of fear
- Irrational worry about being broke despite having adequate savings
3. Decline in Personal Hygiene Despite Funds
You know your parent has a pension and savings, so they should be living comfortably. If you notice they are suddenly living in squalor, wearing dirty clothes, or skipping meals, you must ask where the money is going.
A predator might be siphoning off the funds meant for their daily care, food, and cleaning services. The National Council on Aging warns that this financial squeeze often leads to depression and rapid physical decline.
- Unkempt appearance or wearing the same dirty clothes for days
- Empty refrigerator or lack of basic food supplies in the house
- Cancellation of necessary services like house cleaning or landscaping
- Refusal to see a doctor or buy medication to “save money”
4. Unexplained Withdrawals or Transfers
Money always leaves a paper trail, even if a scammer tries to be clever about it. You need to look for round numbers leaving the account or transfers to platforms your parent does not understand.
In 2025, no legitimate business or government agency demands payment via Zelle, Wire Transfer, or Cryptocurrency. If you see transfers to platforms like Coinbase or large cash withdrawals that do not fit their lifestyle, this is a massive alert.
- Large transfers to unknown people via Zelle, Venmo, or CashApp
- Withdrawals of large round figures like $500 or $1,000 in cash
- Purchases of cryptocurrency or prepaid gift cards
- Checks written to “Cash” without a clear memo or reason
5. Shaky or Forged Signatures
Take a close look at the physical checks clearing your parent’s bank account. Sometimes a signature looks “shaky” not because of age or arthritis, but because someone else is trying to trace it.
A forger often presses the pen down too hard or pauses in the middle of the name. Family members or caregivers who have access to the checkbook are the most common culprits for this type of old-school fraud.
- Signatures that look like a slow tracing rather than a fluid motion
- Ink pressure that is much heavier than your parent’s normal writing
- Checks appearing out of number order in the checkbook register
- Signatures that look completely different from legal documents
Evidence Vault
6. New Joint Account Holders
Adding a second name to a bank account is a tactic often sold as “convenience” for the senior. A neighbor or new friend might say they need to be on the account to help buy groceries or pay bills.
However, this gives them full legal access to drain the funds without asking for permission. Once they are a joint owner, the bank cannot stop them from withdrawing every penny. This is one of the hardest forms of abuse to reverse legally.
- A new name appearing on the monthly bank statement
- Debit cards arriving in the mail for someone other than your parent
- Your parent claiming they added a friend “just in case of emergency”
- Bank employees mentioning a new person accompanying your parent
7. ATM Usage by a Homebound Parent
It is one of the easiest red flags to spot if you look at the transaction location data. If your father has not left the house in six months due to mobility issues, but his debit card was used at a casino, gas station, or shopping mall, he did not make that purchase.
Someone else has his card and PIN. In 2025, be aware that voice cloning scams can also trick seniors into giving up their PINs over the phone.
- Withdrawals made at times your parent is usually asleep
- Transactions in cities or neighborhoods your parent never visits
- Multiple ATM fees appearing on the statement in a single day
- Gas station charges when your parent no longer drives a car
8. A New Romantic Partner
Loneliness creates a void that predators are happy to fill with fake affection. If your mother or father is suddenly in love with a person significantly younger or someone they met online, be skeptical.
These “sweethearts” often claim to be overseas engineers or doctors who need money for a travel emergency. These are often part of “Pig Butchering Scams,” where they build trust over months before stealing the victim’s life savings.
- A partner who lives overseas and always has an excuse not to video chat
- Requests for money to pay for visas, plane tickets, or medical bills
- A significant age gap that seems unusual for your parent
- The new partner asks your parent to keep the relationship secret
9. The Too Involved Caregiver
A professional caregiver or helpful neighbor should support your parent, not control them. Watch out for a caregiver who answers questions on behalf of your parent or refuses to leave the room during your visits. This is a tactic called “gatekeeping.”
They isolate the senior so they can exert undue influence without witnesses. If you feel like you have to go through the caregiver to speak to your own mother or father, that is a dangerous sign.
- Caregiver speaks over the senior or corrects them constantly
- You are not allowed to visit or call without the caregiver present
- The caregiver becomes overly interested in the senior’s finances
- Your parent looks at the caregiver fearfully before speaking
10. Missing Valuables or Heirlooms
Financial abuse does not always happen electronically; sometimes it starts with physical theft. Small items often go missing first because the thief thinks you will not notice.
A ring disappears, then the silver set, then an antique clock. Abusers frequently pawn these items because cash is harder to track than a bank transfer. If your parent seems confused about where their belongings are going, do not assume it is just memory loss.
- Jewelry boxes that are suddenly empty or missing key pieces
- Disappearance of small electronics like tablets or cameras
- Caregivers or visitors suddenly wearing your parent’s jewelry
- Your parent claims they “lost” large items that never leave the house
11. Sudden Changes to Wills or Trusts
It is the most dangerous phase where assets are legally stolen from the family. If your parent suddenly changes their long-standing will to leave everything to a new friend or a specific sibling, investigate immediately.
Scammers often drag seniors to a new lawyer to sign documents they do not understand. This often happens under duress, with the abuser threatening to abandon the senior if they do not sign over the estate.
- Hiring a new attorney unknown to the family for estate planning
- Handwritten amendments to wills that look suspicious
- Sudden disinheritance of family members without a clear reason
- Your parent cannot explain why they made the changes
12. Unpaid Bills Despite Adequate Income
If you know your parent receives a good pension or social security check, the bills should be paid. When you see eviction notices, utility shut-off warnings, or stacks of unopened overdue notices, something is wrong.
The money that should be going to the electric company is being diverted elsewhere. This is a clear mathematical sign that someone is stealing the monthly income before the bills can be paid.
- Utilities being shut off due to non-payment
- Calls from creditors or collection agencies
- Bounced checks for basic expenses like rent or groceries
- Complaints from facility managers about late fees
13. Missing Financial Statements
One of the first things an abuser does is hide the evidence of their theft. They might change the mailing address for bank statements to their own home or switch the account to “paperless” billing.
If the monthly bank statements stop arriving at your parent’s house, the abuser creates a blind spot. This ensures the senior never sees the unauthorized charges or empty balances until it is too late.
- Mail suddenly stops arriving at the house
- The bank confirms the mailing address was recently changed
- Your parent does not know their own online banking password anymore
- A new email address is linked to the bank account
Immediate Steps How to Stop the Bleeding
If you see these red flags, you must act. Do not wait for a “better time.”
Essential Resources Table
| Organization | Purpose | Contact / Website |
| Eldercare Locator | Connects you to local support services. | eldercare.acl.gov |
| FBI IC3 | Report internet crimes (crypto/romance scams). | ic3.gov |
| True Link Financial | Prepaid cards with strict spending limits. | truelinkfinancial.com |
| EverSafe | Monitors accounts for weird activity. | eversafe.com |
Conclusion
Noticing these signs does not make you suspicious or controlling. It makes you protective. Financial predators bank on your politeness. They hope you won’t ask the hard questions. Don’t wait for absolute proof.
By the time you have 100% proof, the money is often gone forever. If you see these red flags, consult an elder law attorney or contact Adult Protective Services immediately. You are your parent’s first and last line of defense. Report elder financial abuse today.
